And Tomorrow
by Theadle
Summary: Axel works out in the blistering sun and a little boy who's a hell of a lot younger than him and a hell of a lot more attractive than he should be comes around to say hello. This isn't the way it should be.
1. Chapter 1

I was sitting on the tailgate of my truck, taking a little snooze in the afternoon. That's when I first saw him. He was over about few yards away, but even with that I could see him glow. He smiled along with another kid - they were playing. I noticed him in the light, and I let his image fill my days. I was only looking for an excuse. He gave me a way out of these boring days. I wished it could go on that, but what kind of fuck-up would I be if I let it.

He appeared out of nowhere one day while I was pulling weeds - so you know I was pissed as shit. He was crouching and looking like a frog. I held my tongue and watched for a moment, the summer sun baking my skin.

"rrrrrribbt"

I continued watching, dazed. Oh gods no.

"rrrrrribbt!"

please no

"rrrrribb-"

"You'd better go before I gouge your eyes out little boy."

"I'm a frog. Frogs don't have eyes."

"What? Yes they do..."

"No! They have robot lasers that will blast you if you try."

oh mother-loving piece of shit.

"Go!" He actually hissed in response. I stood up right before him, and he'd apparently not expected me to be so tall. Good, I'll intimidate the shit outa him. He just stared. When I repeated myself in a loud and low command he looked like he shivered, but then he just smiled.

"Are you a giant!"

"Whagh" Was the noise that fell out of my mouth.

"You're a giant TREE MAN! AAAAGGG"

"W... god."

He continued screaming as he ran away back towards the playground. I looked up at the sun for just a moment, grimacing and making a display of despising it and all it's life-giving bullshit before grappling on.

The following years were just like that. The kid kept interrupting me and occasionally helped me work. He'd swing and jump around, and eventually he told me his name was Roxas. I told him mine, but he always called me Knuckles. I got so pissed when I realized he was referring to a literal fucked up animal from a videogame. What pissed me off more is that he'd always want to play. At the time, I was sixteen. I wasn't totally out of that level of energy, and I actually tried once. I figured afterwards that he'd get bored and leave, which he did. He left and came back again and again, each time his gaze taking in less light than before. He seemed to become darker, and I eventually stopped seeing him altogether.

That was until I was twenty-two. I never hung around the skate park we'd annexed a large park from the city because the kids were always too intense. I let them have their fun and of course I was paid to clean it up.

When I first saw him though, I just kinda reconsidered. Of course, he had his shirt off. I didn't immediately connect that he was who he was, but I just marveled at how strong he looked for his size. His stance when standing still was so solid, but his movements betrayed that and made him glide along the edges of the pipe. His whole body would go into every move, every trick stuck. I heard his name called and a shock shot through my back. I cracked my neck and smiled - how shocking could a change in someone be that even your body recoiled.

I was supposed it was some fucked up kind of fate, but I shrugged it off. I had work to do. The day went on - I was carrying soda and beer cans out of where there'd been a party on a barbeque flat. My co-worker Xigbar barely helped - he always just complained about how fucked up his life was. I'd learned real sarcasm from him - and what a tremendous role-model he was too. Maybe one day I could wear an eye-patch and finally be as cool as him.

Xigbar wanted to get our next job done instead of taking a break - go figure. We had to go pick up lumber somebody had dumped near the edge of the property. They'd thrown it over their fence and forced us to pick it up. We could press charges, but we're a church. We're not so heathenish as to press fucking charges for littering. Naw, that would be un-Christian like.

I would take my five minutes of peace before diving headfirst into the breach thank you.

"Hey."

I turned around and saw him again - he and his skinny jeans hugging thick thighs and an oversized shirt with a picture of a constellation on it. He was all sweaty like he'd just come out of the shower. I could only think that Jesus just needed to take the wheel on this one because my impure mind was quickly being possessed by the devil.

"Well ... here he comes again."

"More talkative now?"

"Not really, just really fucked up and fed up."

"Sorry. With me?"

"...No, with this shitty weather and my shitty job."

"Ah. Need some help."

I turned to him with an extremely malicious smile on my face. "You. You and your sweaty just-killing my kidneys skater ass wants to help me move lumber across a park?"

...That's right motherfucker, don't roll your blunt on my table. This ain't your house.

"You're right, 'cause I have no endurance."

My mind was so sinful that I actually thought of sex. Oh lord let these sweet visions of existentialism-inducing ecstasy be purged from my system before I do something you won't forgive me for.

"You best get before I abuse your generosity."

"Oh yea? You'd abuse me?"

"You must be one motherfucker."

He didn't respond, he just smiled. This kid, I thought, is a fucking boy-trap.

"Fine, you wanna die, follow me."

We traveled for a good solid distance to where I knew a big-ass intimidating as fuck pile of wood was waiting. Xiggy Stardust was already hauling back to our truck - and what luck that we weren't allowed to drive on the grass because we had to drag hundreds of pounds of wood on a blaring hot day by the sheer will of our sweaty genitals. "Oh fuck" is what I heard from behind me. I turned around and found him shirtless.

"Where's your shirt."

"Figured I should go without."

"Where is it."

"The truckbed."

"You might want to toss your expensive-ass shirt where Xiggy or somebody won't steal it."

"Xig- ...He's the other guy?"

"Yes."

"We'll get it when we get back. Are there nails in these?"

"Maybe. I don't know. You'd better get your shirt or you'll splinter up though."

"I can make it back." He hefted up a rather heavy piece, and I had the instinct to help him. "Get your own." He growled as he dragged the thing. I gently dropped the piece and let him drag it off, watching on. I turned and picked up my own, out-hauling him to the truck. He needed help tossing his chunk into the bed. I pushed one of my thicker work shirts into his hands afterwards. He was panting like a sissy and obviously he didn't realize that I wasn't too far behind. "God you must be strong." He said.

"Nah, just practice. Don't worry I'll be pissing my pants by the end of this"

"Pissing what? Blood?"

"Maybe."

We walked on and the kid helped us through a good chunk of the pile, eventually getting to where he could toss the lumber onto the bed himself. After we were done, Xig grumbled and ambled off to the bathrooms. I was quivering on the tailgate and Roxas was resting against the pile. We had a jug of water passing between us, and things were just god awful. I pleaded out loud for shade and Roxas simply kept panting. I tugged his sleeve and he didn't move.

"Shade, over here."

"I can't move."

"Yeah you can, come on."

"Please?"

"What. You want to stay in the sun?"

He opened his eyes and glared, and then held a hand out. I took it and he drew me in until his arm was around my shoulder.

"I must be carried. His Blondeness demands."

"His Blondeness! I can only oblige."

I took his other arm over my shoulder and hoisted him up. I got extremely dizzy very quickly and tried to put him back down gently but failed miserably. We both grunted.

"Yea, I don't think this is gonna happen."

Roxas just started laughing, slinging an arm over his eyes. "Oh god, I'm going to be so shell-shocked tomorrow."

"You? What about me? I've been working all day."

"I've been skating all day."

"Yea, that must really take the piss out of you."

"And how it does. I might not even be able to go to school."

"God, what will your parents say. They'll come down and complain."

Rox looked over at me beside himself and quirked a little smile looking me up and down. "Don't worry, I'll talk them out of it."

"Let's hope so." I stood back up and tried a second time, and this time I was able to hoist him over my extremely sore shoulder and make it half way before Roxas took pity on my panting heaving self and walked the rest. We could barely even sit down right.

"I feel so fucking old."

"Can you imagine that -my hair would turn some more shitty color but yours would be exactly the same. You'd probably get your growth spurt finally as consolation for those first 70 years. Imagine, finally being able to reach the cupboard!"

Roxas started laughing loudly - one of those ones where it gets squeezed out by your stomach muscles and you feel like you just did a ton of pushups afterwards, or at least it seemed that way by Roxas' sickened gurgle that followed.

"Oh shit, you gonna puke."

"I feel like it. Shit I shouldn't be generous, this is horrible."

I thought for a moment before coming to a conclusion. I turned to him.

"That's just about the kindest thing I've seen anybody do in a long time - what you helped us do. I really can't thank you enough. You want a smoothie."

Roxas made a sound like he a girl faking it in some bad porno. "God yes, you know me so well." He broke down laughing when he saw the look on my face.

"Dude, you should be careful - that's the pedo mating call don't you know."

"Yea?" He started making the sound more, and before I relished it I slapped a hand over his mouth a little too hard, giggling madly. "Don't ... Stop oh shit please."

"What, can't handle it? Can't handle my sexy voice."

"Oh, that is prostitute-level shit to be sure, no it's getting arrested I don't want."

Roxas looked so confused, and I was almost confused with him before I figured it out.

"Dude, it's statutory rape."

"You're older than I thought. and it wouldn't be rape."

"How old do you think I ... what the fuck do you mean 'not rape'?"

"I mean you don't seem like that kinda guy."

"Really, because I've been told I'm pretty coke-addict esque."

"Oh no doubt - just not rapey."

"Well I'm happy you believe in me."

He smiled for a moment looking at his feet with a little smile. "Yes, I believe in you, Señor Axél" He got up and started to stretch - and I was getting a really sweet look at his ass when Xiggy called out looking for me. My brain immediately panicked, as it had realized quicker than I did apparently that pedophilia is actually a thing I was unconsciously engaging in. Well ... maybe not unconsciously.

"Hey man, I'll see you later."

"Yea, I'll see you." He responded as I walked off, not sparing another glance to the monstrosity of my existence. God, how fucked up and weak can I be?

"Ay, what about the ice cream?" I called out to him. He slowly turned and scratched his head. "That's alright. Later."

The next thing I knew, the kid was back in my life like a leach - and he was a kid, I had to remind myself. He told me he was fifteen with the waggle of an eyebrow, and I groaned internally. Christ, not even close to legality Axel - back the fuck off. And I would valiantly try, but the kid would just sit too close, touch too much, suggest beyond his capacity to follow through. He was intense, but not in nearly the same way as the others. He wasn't a douche - he wasn't a tool; although he seemed to surround himself with people who were.

I met his friends Hayler and Onnete ... or I think that was it. Roxas told me he had another good friend who never stepped foot in the open sun, and I quipped that he was smart not to do so. Roxas was the only one crazy enough to come out during these summers - and he even seemed to gain vitality from it instead of having his blood boil and solidify in his veins like yours truly.

He'd help every other day with odd jobs, but it seemed to be more of an excuse to be around and talk with me - but I never ever let it go to my head not once because that would mean he valued my existence and that was horribly unhealthy for my libido and also my criminal record. I kept things amicable and tight, not going beyond what he instigated. He would rest against me or do something else slightly tripping that line of platonic behavior, but I figured he wasn't gay due to his extremely masculine and stern vibe. He wasn't open in the slightest I found. Other guys would come around and he'd be pretty tight-lipped with them, but with me we'd be spouting dick jokes and brutal sarcasm until sunset. Xiggy took to coming out and turning right back around when he'd see Roxas, figuring he didn't need to do work if there was free labor taking his place and I shut up about it. Why wouldn't I - my perfectly platonic work partner and I could do perfectly without some middle-aged creep grumbling about his unfair life.

I didn't hate Xiggy, but he's a pretty hard ass to penetrate if you seek the soft core of humanity within.

It was late afternoon one day - and Roxas was really tired. Something about the say had really put him down to the point where I stopped working just so we could talk. I tried really hard to get him to talk, and I found myself being so fake just to help him feel like he could open up to me. Suffice to say I was pissing my pants with worry. I offered to take him home finally and he simply grunted. When we got into the truck, I started on the way to his house. He said it was close, and I knew the area pretty damn well. So when he pointed to a turnoff into a neighborhood right where a burger joint was, I turned in there instead. He stayed silent. I told him to stay in the car and I'd get him something. He gave me his order and returned a few minutes later to find him with the door open, legs dangling out of the car. I came up and put the cold smoothie against the back of his neck.

And then he started crying.

Hard

I only felt totally awkward for a moment before he reached out and grabbed me up into a tight hug. I put the bags behind him and returned the gesture, massaging the nape of his neck and stroking my hand through his hair alternatively.

"It's ok, Rox. I'm here, ok? I'm here for you, just give it to me I'll take it. Let me take it so you don't have to."

There was a moment between my ranting where I was trying to figure out what I could say when he chose to grumble. "There's no way."

"What." I moved back a little to free his face up.

"There's no way you can take it - it's my goddamn load to bear."

After that stern concession, I didn't know how I could respond. I just stood shock for a few moments while he broke contact and made to close the door. I brought both of my hands to his bicep and squeezed gently. "Rox." He didn't look at me, so I went under his arm and took his cheek in my hand. He grimaced like he wanted to break out into tears again, and I stroked a thumb across his cheek. I saw him about to swat me away and I moved preemptively, taking both my hands and twisting his face so his eyes were forced to mine for just a moment, and I leveled him with the most intense gaze I could muster. I was going to try and say something, but I just left it out and stayed there, staring at him. I didn't know what this was, but he was not going to tell me what I could and could not take. I ruffled his hair and gently closed the door behind me.

When we came up to his house, he was still looking distantly out the front glass. I came around to open his door. When he didn't move, I gently touched his hand and whispered his name. He immediately turned to me with certain expressionless panic that could only be seem in his eyes - like it was more of a hope or possibility that he felt could change things for him. "Can I stay with you." It wasn't a question.

"What? Your parents will come looking for you."

"No they won't." He choked out the end of that sentence like he was about to vomit. I touched a hand to his stomach and he looked forward, silently whispering still.

"Please."

"No, Roxas. Maybe if you ask - you can stay?"

He said nothing, but just pushed my hand away and walked to his house. I watched his enter his house. He didn't look back, and he didn't say anything. I got in the truck and looked down where he'd left his burger and smoothie. I didn't understand.

He didn't talk to me, he just hung around and watched me work. I talked to him about shit in my life, trying to provoke a response of any kind. He asked for my phone number one day, and I told him in return that if he ever had an emergency that all he had to do was call me - no questions asked. He nodded and took it. I noticed he was letting his hair grow out, but I said nothing. In the time I'd known him, he'd gone from a crew cut to a semi-average crop-top to this stage of fucked-up ed-ness that was probably the best of the three. I didn't dare vocalize it though.

The winter had started to set in and it was darker for longer now - but the temperature during the day was only about ten degrees lower. Fuck this town.

The skate park never closed, so dudes would be around until three in the morning, and since I'd chosen to come in and do all the work during the nights there wasn't a problem - I'd just come in right behind them and clean up their shit.

One day I'll never forget, I hadn't seen Roxas. It was late into my shift and I was about ready to blow a gasket. Rox had become a venting mechanism for me, and that week of his absence had not been nice to me. So when I finally saw him alone in the skate park in the dead of a winter night, I didn't say anything stupid - I just drew up beside him and leaned on the fence acting for a moment I was a cool teen like him. After a minute, he simply got up and started walking away. I quietly followed behind, curious. I stopped when we got to the parking lot and noticed he was walking towards the truck. I waited for a little until he turned around and leaned against the bed. I guess he wanted to take him home?

"Hey" is what I drew up the nerve to say when I got close enough. His boney little hands came up and fisted in my button-down, stroking softly and then gripping. His eyes followed his hands and then his head tilted down. He fell into me and just let his head sit against my chest. He wasn't crying - just absorbing silence. His hand came up to the back of my neck and dug into my hair, while his other hand flattened against my shirt and drew up. Ok, a little touchy tonight. I let it go just before he turned his head upward and pulled me down. I didn't know what was happening for a moment, I just felt like I was crouching over. Then a hand was in my pants and I was smiling. I spun and grabbed and flew. For a minute, I was in a drug-induced fantasy where I didn't need to be anywhere with anyone.

And right as Roxas was pulling down my pants and exposing my hard cock was the moment I flew back to. I was just about to say something or do anything when he took me all the way into his mouth, squeezing me with the entire force of his mouth and running his hands up and down while his head bobbed, putting cold wetness around my whole cock and groaning hotly when he jammed my head into the back of his throat. I shivered at the feeling. He did this a few more times, which was all I needed to get where I was going. I stammered dumbly and grabbed at him, humming and alternately trying to articulate how wrong this was before he brought me in for an especially intense series of sensations I'd never felt before.

And there I went - dipping into oblivion again and forgetting that Roxas had an age or parents or legal obligations; and I forgot that the world had rules. But more than that, I knew I could go to jail and I didn't care. I knew they could arrest me and I didn't care.

I temporarily lost my fear of death, because the most attractive thing I'd ever seen - the thing I loved from the inside out, was now swallowing my cum. I felt him do it before licking me clean and standing up. He didn't look at me for a moment, or at least I couldn't comprehend him doing it until he said "Does that clarify a few things for you?"

I couldn't stammer - immediately after saying it he ran over into the foliage and threw up. I zipped myself up and ran over, watching him heave everything out as violent streams of tears rolled down his face. I was panicking worse than I could ever remember. I just held him up and did the only thing I could really do when all the thoughts came to a head. I cried. I apologized over and over and over - I couldn't believe myself or my stupidity; and I never meant for this to happen. I completely broke down, sobbing into his back and waiting for something to kill me so I could face how shit awful I was as a human being. I felt hands touch the arm I had around Roxas' chest, and I started to slow down my cries.

"I wanted to do it."

I heard everything through a pounding headache. At this point - I was skeptical that I wasn't dreaming. "Sorry?"

"I wanted to suck you off."

"I don't understand."

"This ... me throwing up has nothing to do with you. I just - remembered something."

I was about to be stupid and ask a stupid question before my brain finally kicked in and clued me into what I needed to know. I helped Rox sit back and looked at him. He didn't meet my gaze initially, and then he did very sparingly.

"I'm sorry. That was probably really awkward. Did it feel alright."

I chuckled just to lighten things up. "Uh - yea. But that's not the point, why the hell are you throwing up?"

"I told you."

"No, you gave me little to no information whatsoever."

"You're really going to be a hard-ass about this?"

"I've always had a rather firm ass, yes."

Bad joke.

"Look - I'll make you a deal since we've already dipped into illegal activity. You tell me why exactly you just vomited after giving me a blowjob and I'll let you come and stay the night at my place."

Roxas' eyes didn't move and he didn't do anything to react - he just kept his head down. After a couple moments, I stood up and helped Roxas over to the truck. Once inside, we simply sat there for a minute before either of us said anything.

"You won't ever say a fucking word."

"No - I won't."

I sat patiently for a few minutes then - doing nothing.

"He wasn't always ... bad. Just when mom left, he started drinking."

Don't you move a fucking muscle, Axel. Don't blink, don't cough, don't look at him. If you do, you know what'll happen? You'll get angry, fly over to Roxas' house and spill the poor rapist's guts all over the carpet.

"He just really started having these really bad tantrums. He wouldn't even be reasonable, he'd just yell at nothing and tell me to leave. I thought so long as I stayed away from him, I was OK. Then one evening right when I got home from school ... he was really drunk. He made me do things - the stuff I did to you. I just remembered that. You happy to know that or you want me to get out of your fucking car?"

I didn't move - I just grabbed his hand and squeezed gently. I didn't say anything or look at him, I just held his hand and felt him settle back into his seat after a while. I felt him stroke the inside of my hand and as a sincere gesture I brought our hands up so I could kiss his.

"You don't have to say anything, and you don't have to worry about what I think of you, OK. You wanna know why?"

I finally turned to him and stared him down for a minute like I had before. He looked complacent and not really giving a shit, so I had to find a way to unsettle him to get that level-headed fake-ass look of his fucking face.

"Because you're the only thing I've ever actually cared about more than myself - and I'd do shit for your sake that I wouldn't do for anybody."

I held his gaze - and of course he looked away. I didn't let him up for long; I turned his head and gently kissed his vomit-caked lips. I did it to make a point. I held the kiss until he started laughing. I broke off and he threw his head back against the seat.

"Oh my god, you literally just tasted my vomit."

"That I did motherfucker."

"Oh my god, I have so much shit on you it isn't even funny - but that kiss is what could really level your reputation with any single human being. That's probably the most... hilariously disgusting..." He never finished that sentence before he started cackling wildly. I rolled my eyes and started the truck over to where the employee parking was. My little toy car of shame awaited us. Roxas was talking about a phone call with his cousin animatedly, and really I can't say I'd ever been happier in my life. This kid would, by any means, be the utter death of me.

We packed in - I got Roxas some water to rinse himself with and once we got to my ramshackle apartment he was able to use a fresh toothbrush to really get everything off. He told me the obvious - my apartment was 'homey', or code for dingy and shitty as hell but somehow livable and charming in a 'you're probably lying' kind of way.

When Roxas came out of the bathroom, I was already changed out of my work cloths and into an oversized shirt and sweats. The kid didn't take his eyes off me once he'd made his way into the room. He just walked over to where I was sitting on the couch and instead of literally any other thing he could have done, he sat on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck. He didn't move in immediately, but this devious little smile formed on his face. "Wha... what?" I asked.

"You know how I know you're a good person?" He said, scooting up so he was pretty solid against my obvious erection. I just gave him a confused look and finally brought my hands to gently rest on his thighs. He dove down and kissed me so sweetly, I could've gotten diabetes right then. After that he broke off and put his face against my neck, hugging me close.

"Although you have a massive boner and you really want it, a combination of my knowing you pretty well and the look I just saw on you face tells me you meant it when he said you care about me."

"y...Yeah, and don't forget I also s ... god ... I also said that I'd be willing to do anything, even restrain myself from fondling you into tomorrow?"

Roxas had the nerve to laugh.

"Please stop - I'm not trying to take advantage and after what you told me I really don't want to hurt you."

He must have heard the rigidness and determination in my voice, because he drew back with a concerned expression. He looked on for a minute before sighing and gazing behind me and out the window. "You know I've always wanted to be loved. For the longest time. I'm not desperate, but I know what I want. I've known you for a while, and I want something I won't regret. I won't regret anything you do to me, except you need to ask first ... ok?"

And that wasn't timid or afraid at all. God, I'm probably the only one he's ever allowed himself to talk like that to. I asked him to look at me, by which time I'd gained my senses and was focused entirely on him.

"What I want ... is to wait. I want us to wait, ok? Please?"

"Sure." He crept off of me and stood up. I rubbed my eyes and sighed.

"Ok! I'll get some blankets and shit - you have claim over my bedroom, you go ahead and sleep whenever you want. I'll be out here if you need me. And uh... we'll talk about what we're going to do tomorrow, so don't worry-"

"Axel?"

"Yea?"

"Two things; first, thanks for the courtesy and second, I want you to sleep with me."

I short-circuited and half turned around with an expression similar to that of a man about to have an aneurism. Roxas held back a smile and shook his head. "No, I mean I want you to sleep in the same bed with me."

"Rox..."

"Axel... please." The look on his face shortly before he came up to me and hugged me was something to be reckoned with - it was a lethal weapon of compliance that had no equal. I figured there wasn't any use - we walked over to the bedroom and I immediately flopped onto my beautifully fluffy bed and straightened up, about ready to just pass out. I didn't even want to put covers over me, I was so tired. I just did it out of the experience of knowing I would anyway and just as I was curious as to Roxas' whereabouts he dipped under the covers on the other side. He found me and nestled up to me - I couldn't help the smile nor the blissful sigh that escaped me. I brought my arm around an

...

"Where's your shirt, dude? It's cold."

"Not with you around."

I sighed. Instead of perving on his skin I brought my arms down so my hand would rest on his thighOHWHATFUCKNO

"WHy are you naked!?"

"What?"

"Seriously, come on! You're killing me."

He just pulled me back so we were close up and face to face.

"Put your arm around me."

I did.

"Close your eyes."

I did. I felt lips gently against mine after a moment.

"Shut up. Go to sleep."

I smiled and slowly chuckled, letting it die down into a sleepy murmur. I ended just throwing caution to the wind, turning him around, and nuzzling right up against him for a short time before settling for a little bit of space between us for air to get through.

"Hey."

"Myea."

"Thanks for letting me stay."

"I didn't have a choice."

"Yea you did."

"Mmm. I'll always ... help. I won't do something to trap you - that's real shitty. I really want to be close to you."

Roxas must have been listening to my sleepy murmurs, because he put his hand in mine and curled back up into me. I passed out like that, with the assurance of his warm back against me. That was the best night of my life.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the morning after - immediately I was barraged by a mess of ideas. When I tried to get up, my heart rate shot up so high I decided against doing anything. I finally got to lie back, and I heard a gravely voice behind me.

"You OK?"

I slowly crawled around and on top of Roxas - trying to play a teasing joke when reality kicked in and everything backfired. He was sparsely covered to begin with, but then he smirked and threw everything off entirely. Stretching his arms above his head as a sign of complete trust and submission, he seemed about as arrogant and relaxed as my brother would be. He expected I'd just ravish him and was waiting patiently for me to get around to it.

"I'm better than OK." I leaned down and kissed his cheek. I had to avoid his mouth when he turned it towards me. When I pulled back, I had a rather irritated look on my face. "Stop dude."

"What, we're not at second base yet?"

"I..." I started to lecture him, but I felt like all the hot air just flew straight out of me in an instant as I realized how futile it was. I desperately needed to feel like I wasn't on a bullet train to hell, and a perfectly willing body was mine for snuggling. I gently settled myself to his side and pulled him up - nuzzling into the crook of his neck. I needed to feel alright, I needed to know that to do. I stayed like that for a minute, and luckily Roxas didn't try to initiate anything. He just stroked my hair.

"You aren't going to fuck me, are you?"

"No, Rox. I just can't. I can't be any more stupid than I've already been. Your dad's looking for you, isn't he?" I was ready to launch into a lecture about the police tracking his cell and everything, but I never got the chance.

"There isn't a chance in hell he's looking for my sorry ass."

I paused for a moment, moving him so he faced me. He ended up flat on his back with his head my way. I got a little distracted.

"God, your hair is beautiful." Truly, those thick blankets I had over the windows cut most the light out from the room, but a shaft of light came from under the thick sheet to create a shaft of light from his crown to his chin. No shadows to make him look mature, only direct light glazing over his whole face. So soft was he that I had nothing in me at that moment- just to stare. And then the inclination surged through me again and I brought my hand up to stroke his hair. It was a little coarse, but oily from what I guessed was accumulated heat over the night.

"Did he fuck you?" I found I didn't have the patience to be tactful with the question. I amended myself, realizing a little too late that tact was actually something you did regardless of your own personal desires. "Sorry, I didn't mean to hit you over the head on that one. If you don't want to..."

"yes."

I swallowed, my throat suddenly feeling so horribly dry - this beautiful innocent angel in my bed was uttering to such obscenity that I felt tears swell below my eyes. I ached so painfully for the kid.

"Several times, on and off for a few months. That was when he was really drunk. You want to know what he drank? Maybe that's the magic touch that'll get you to do the same to me."

...

"I'm sorry Axel, wait, I'm seriously-" I slammed the bedroom door shut on my way out. I walked over to the front and grabbed my jacket and spare pants out of the living room and walked out of my apartment, not caring that I'd left a damaged kid without direction where I kept everything I owned. At that moment, I needed to make a point. My band shirts better damned well be there when I got back though.

ooo-

* * *

><p>ooo-<p>

I covered my face with a pillow. How the hell could I be so horrible to another human being? Is this seriously what I'd become? I wished I could take those words back so badly now. Axel didn't see me like the whore I was, and at that point I needed to accept that. I slowly breathed in a really hypnotic scent, something hot and damp. It was an array of smells that weren't anything I could grasp - they just culminated in this earthy oily tang. I guessed that was Axel's sweat. We had gotten pretty sweaty during the night, but somehow we hadn't broken apart even in our sleep. How wonderfully romantic.

I had to get water, so I got up and drifted into the kitchen, enjoying how the sunshine warmed up the various objects in the apartment as it sifted through the blinds gently. I opened them all up, flashing the whole world as I did so. I chuckled to myself at the thought - there were so many things I didn't care about in this environment. I wanted this - I realized. My whole being wanted to be around Axel. From the moment we met to now, I knew he was literally perfect for me. I noticed and appreciated everything about him in a way I was sure nobody else had. The way he'd hold his cigarettes- the way he always looked like he hated work but didn't do a damn thing about it. I found out really quick that he had an outstanding work ethic that he liked to keep secret.

He wasn't young, and he wasn't trying to be. I could tell he was in his late twenties. Somehow he wore it with this punkish look that made him look like a bratty teenager, but we both knew the truth. Maybe we could claim we'd been in love since before he came of age? Shit, we didn't have any witnesses.

I helped him time after time just so I'd have an excuse to stick around. He was right about the kids at the skate park - they were 'intense', but not in the way I think he meant. They were total posers, acting like drifters and shit with abusive parents. They'd have heart-to-hearts at the drop of a pen if they felt they wouldn't be emasculated by the situation. I wanted to be around people who were genuinely weird, and didn't need a warrant or a situation to be weird in - they were just weird because that's who they were. Axel and Xigbar were both that way, fighting with each other all the time. Those two were a total duo. Apparently Xigbar was an actual drifter who had such a fucked up past that it didn't even seem real.

He told a story with a total straight face about how his first night off the bus in this town he'd slept under a park bench and woken up to being stabbed in the back. He literally had an eye patch because he kept losing his fake eyes. Aren't those things supposed to stay in? What does he do, take them out before bed every day? Axel didn't know either.

Speaking of Axel ... shit. I just didn't know what to do. Was he going to blow off steam or come back an angry drunk? Would he hate me now or what? He'd have to put up with me coming back to the park every day. I didn't even know what the fuck to say - what was I gonna do, apologize? Fuck that, "I'm sorry" doesn't suffice for basically calling him a rapist for no reason. I'd have to deal with that burden and make up for it. Sex would be such an easy act of apology, wouldn't it? Damn - get him a fucking box of chocolates and be done with it. I wanted his cock and I wanted to be a part of his life. Hopefully being around him could improve the condition of my shitty Asperger's. I wish I could make that excuse, too. But no, I had no syndrome - I'd just said something uncalled for because I thought our relationship had become tough as shit overnight. One cuddle session doesn't mean you can fuck around with people, you stupid jackass!

I could've made my hand into a fist and broken every piece of glass and porcelain in Axel's sink. I just stared down at the sink, praying I'd magically wind back a day and not suck him off. Maybe he wouldn't be so uncomfortable if I hadn't gone there yet. This was exactly the way he'd acted when I first got to know him - reserved and lightly teasing. I'd noticed it in the way his eyes looked. He looked guarded - but at least he knew he had cuddling rights. Poor guy had to deal with my sweaty morning wood-ass self. He'd have to deal with me some more - I damned well wasn't going back to that house. I couldn't take being around that man anymore - his soulless eyes and his nasal drunken voice calling out Mom's name before throwing up and passing out. Every goddamn night.

I'd sleep in the ceiling- the couch, the closet, anywhere. I needed to be here, and Axel was the only person I felt comfortable around.

Where does that mexican red tiger keep his damned cups? Are those seriously all of them in the sink? Holy cow, dude. Way to keep your washing machine feeling hella abandoned.

I hope he won't kick me out - I hope he won't hit me, but I'll do anything if it means he'll do something. The worst thing that could happen is him coming back and reverting back into himself like a shell, worse then when we first met.

God damnit, I'll just get one out if his sink. Is this orange juice? Whatever.

He's so beautiful when he comes out of himself. His nervous speedy gait becomes this cool relaxed glide that inexplicably becomes slightly goofy - his laugh becomes a howl that sends shivers down my spine - he becomes the dominant, confident joker he's supposed to be. If I could bring him back to that, then I'd achieved my goal. I took a sip out of the now semi-clean cup and gazed across the kitchen at a half-used candle. I remember feeling invigorated by that image. I can't change what I've done, but I'll be damned if I'm going to let him go now.

ooo-

* * *

><p>ooo-<p>

I supposed it was useless to stay out here. I should go back. These boots of mine splatter with the puddles that must have formed some time last night. They'd soon leave, but for now they gave me this fractured reflection of myself. I starred at it for a moment, lightly tapping the puddle to make waves and ripple my face into obscurity. The sun was blaring. Finally it shows its face after so many months of dormancy. It's letting out its battle cry now, baking the ground. I can feel the waters evaporating me now and the air's a little wet from it. The cool of the night would very soon fade out and what's left would be a rather hot day. I remember quite liking the idea of coming out for that heat.

I keyed into my apartment and he was still there, but mercifully he'd put some pants on - all be it my sweats. I walked right past him and got some juice. He seemed to be able to find his way around pretty well, what with the cup in his hand. I suddenly felt embarrassed. I literally had not a single clean cup-shaped thing in the house, and I'd searched them out like a pothead searches out a bong. Lord only knows I'd make a cup out of makeshift materials if I had to.

"Do you want me to leave?" Roxas said from the living room.

"If you want."

There was a solid minute of silence.

"I don't want to go back. Can I stay here."

"Sure, if you want to put up with my shit."

"I thought you'd say the same for me..."

"Is that your apology?" I looked at him with a little smile, stabbing a big harpoon into the elephant into the room.

"No. I can't really find words for it, so there really isn't a point."

I got a cigarette from the counter and flopped onto the couch, being careful of my drink. I set that down and grabbed a lighter off the recliner nearby. I spent a moment considering the thought. I realized something and pointed it out.

"You know, I have more spare cigs than clean stuff in this junkyard."

"I think it's homey."

I leveled him with a look of incredulity. I would've pursued it but figured against it. I was about to start into a small lecture when he interjected.

"Are you religious?"

"Like - because I work for a church?"

"Yea."

"Heck nope. Did I give off the impression?"

"No, the others just assumed. I wasn't sure."

"ah, they were just trying to make conversation. They don't know shit. The church actually supported Xiggy Stardust with money a long time ago, and then they gave him this shitty job. It helps him out, but it makes the point that we're about the same level of religious-ness. Dead none. It's alright with me, God's a cool idea I've never had use for."

"Hm." Is all Roxas said. Simple acceptance was nice, but I was staving off a subject I'd been simmering in my heart for the last hour.

"Listen, if you vocalize that you're sorry - even if you don't have every word in the dictionary at your disposal, it's still so much better than nothing at all. What you said pissed me off, Roxas. I need you to understand that it affected me and act like you fucking care." I hated being harsh, but I had to be to get shit across. It was the same with Xiggy, if you weren't direct, he'd just blow you off. If you attack it, they can't ignore it. Roxas stood there with his head down, and I was looking at him through my cigarette smoke. I decided to flick off the ash right then while I was waiting, and he looked up to watch. He was just left to stare at the ashtray with innocent-looking eyes. God, how deceptive could human begins be, really?

"Well?" I prodded the silence.

"What?" He acted like he didn't know he had to respond, and I got fed up.

"For fuck's sake, dude. I can't let you fucking stay here if we can't even communicate! What the hell are you gonna do, just stand there and let your balls fall out your pants?" I had gotten up and now I was trying to find something practical to do. I just started picking up dirty clothes and walking towards my bedroom. I didn't hear him follow, so I just sighed in agonizing headache-inducing confusion and threw everything into the hamper.

"Well what do you want me to say."

I jumped when I heard it from right behind me. For dramatic effect, I turned slowly and crouched down to scowl at him on his level. "You know what I want, dipshit."

"Well that's easy, anybody can say 'I'm sorry'! I want to actually mean it!"

"Then mean it, motherfucker! Just say two fucking words, just two! Put effort into it and you might just actually sound like a genuine human-being for one fucking moment!"

"Well I'm not a genuine human-being, guess what! I'm sub-level, I'm a fuck toy and I'm socially dysfunctional. I don't know where I'm going, I don't have a fucking job, and I don't have plans for one. I go to high school and then I go to my nightmare of a home. What do I have to do - tell me? TELL ME!"

I just stood there, unable to do anything. He was holding one of my shirts and he threw it over to where it knocked my lamp over. I didn't bat an eye.

"Tell me you bitch. 'Cause I got nothing."

I really wanted to in that moment. I had the words in my mouth, and I knew what to say, but I couldn't do that just yet. I walked over to him and pushed our bodies together. I found it was difficult to look him straight in the eye, so I hefted him up and threw him on the bed, holding his hands over his head in mine. I kept a distance between us for a moment before kissing him slow and long. He interlocked our fingers and he tried to move further, but I wouldn't let him. He tried to squirm, but I wouldn't let him. He broke the kiss and turned his head away. I didn't move - I didn't do anything for a couple moments. I just stared at the nape of his neck.

"What do you want to say to me, Roxas? Just the gist."

He turned back to me slowly and we locked eyes. "Sorry, I wanted to kiss you." I moved back a little, but he squeezed my hands and I froze.

"I..." He choked and I brought our hand down. He let go and I wrapped him up in a hug, nuzzling against his shoulder.

"Don't worry about anything. Take your time. All I want is you - and that means as much as you can give me. Words, kisses, gifts, anything. I need to hear you tell me who you are. Do it, if you want to."

We stayed like that for a long time - maybe five minutes. I could've taken a nap, but I wanted to hear him say it. So I waited, and thank God I did.

"My dad has never said anything nice to me. He's never given me anything I wanted - he just did what he wanted and I let him because I never knew what else to do. Sometimes I fought him, and he would just hit me when I did. I just remembered that when you said you didn't want sex. You weren't giving me what I wanted for no reason other than some ... fucked up self-righteousness. I don't want righteousness, and you said you weren't religious - so what the fuck do you care. Nobody's watching and nobody cares. Nobody's going to report us because we aren't worth a damn - but you mean something ... you mean it to me. I want that. I want this. I need it so I can live like I used to before this happened. I genuinely absolutely have no clue what the hell I should do or where I should go. If you don't give me anything, I won't have anything. I got pissed and I made a statement of it. I'm deeply and sincerely sorry for hurting you. I was more trying to joke about my own life anyway."

"Terrible fucking joke."

"Given." I sighed into his shoulder at that. I moved my head up and threw the hair out of my face. We looked at each other, or he looked at my hair with a growing smile. "You know what you said when we first met?" I smiled, knowing he wouldn't remember. I scrunched his brows up, and I'd be damned if he didn't look cute. I moved impulsively and kissed that crease between his brows - immediately feeling them loosen up. I pulled back and he just drew me in again. After a minute of forgetting what I was going to say, we broke and I chuckled. "You called me a big red tree and ran away."

"Oh god, I don't remember that. I just remember the candy shack."

"The old one? I don't remember that much."

"Yea, you bought me and my cousin starburst. He said you looked weird and I said you looked like a meteor."

"Oh I remember that. No this was long before that. You had these really chubby cheeks and your voice was so fucking cute, aaahahahagh!" I pinched him and he swatted me away, not really bothering to hide his amusement. He didn't say anything, so I continued.

"What makes you think I don't want sex?" I said, falling down against his chest. My chin found a nice little seat in the valley between his pectorals, and I had an immature thought to indulge before he could answer so I pressed my lips into that valley and blew air hard to make this loud farting noise.

"GoD DUDE STOP TREATING ME LIKE A BABY! It's creepy!" He tried to be angry but he ended up cackling loudly because it tickled so much.

"Well?"

"Don't do that again."

"I won't. I'll just tickle you from now on." I smirked evilly as I saw him suddenly look very cautious. Funny how sex didn't phase him but tickling horrified him. When he realized I didn't mean 'right now', he relaxed hesitantly and thought for a moment.

"I don't know - I just figured because of how you're acting when it gets brought up."

"No no, my dear. I totes want to fuck you eighteen ways into fourteen places in this apartment. I want to fuck you so badly I'll slam you into my dirty-ass carpet - but I won't."

"Why not?" I could tell he was really hot for me, and a little ... well not so little indicator was making it's presence known as well. I realized I had to be very serious, so I concentrated and said something - and I never really realized the scope of it and what exactly it meant to him and our relationship until much, much later.

"Because you aren't a whore. I'm not your Dad, and if we're going to have that relationship then I want to put you up on a pedestal and show everybody exactly how hot you are right as I put it in and make you scream out my name. You know why I'm gonna do that?"

"W-hy?"

"Because you're the best - you're my best. You should be out of my league, but you're not. You're in my league for two specific reasons; firstly, you're as fucked up as I am and second, I've gotten to far in with you for you to be out of my range - and I'm willing to climb up from my fucked up league so that someday we could have a chance of being together."

He looked at me and I knew I'd gotten it right. His eyes said everything. I could feel him painfully hard against me he was, and that made me hard. I smirked darkly and ground against him and his eyes blanked out, he jolted and gripped my shoulders, moaning out loud.

"You say you want to wait for sex, then?"

"And what makes you think I want that."

He just looked back at me so breathlessly , so confused and aggravated.

"You really piss me off - I don't know how we're going to be a couple like this."

"Commit something to memory, will you? It. Is. Too. Late." I told him that little truth between feverish kisses, and then I let him go entirely, getting up and staring down at him. Holy mother of Jesus did I want to keep doing that, especially with this view of him, muscled and hard and panting on my bed, gripping my sheets.

"So, what do you think about starting now?"

I snapped out of my daze when he said that. I thought back a moment, and remembering what he said finally I knitted my brows together.

"Start what now?"

"The relationship."

"Oh!" I stopped myself for a moment - a really long moment. I had some deep thinking to do, and neither of our painful erections were helping in the thinking department. I sat down on the bed beside him and thought. A hand of his came to gently rest on the small of my back, but he stayed lying down. I had several ideas for how I wanted this to go running through my mind, and I finally came to one I thought worked.

"How old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"AAAH FUCK." I got up and paced for a moment. I punched the tent in my pants lightly, really pissed at the world for it's cruelty.

"What, what?" He sat up confused, watching me punch my dick and probably thinking how much of a total dope I must be. I turned to him and turned my head down to look at the carpet. "I fucking hate the law."

"Doesn't Mont-Rouge have a legal consenting age of sixteen?"

"What, you wanna learn a different language?"

"Yea? Demilogath is an easy one, ain't it?"

"heheh, I'm touched but no - foreign languages are all extremely difficult."

"Maybe just for you..." Roxas sat up as I came back towards him. I needed to get to what I wanted to say, and this was going a little too slow. When I came back in front of him, he definitely crossed a line by bringing his hand up and stroking me through my pants. I went totally weak in the knees, my vision going blurry and gripping his shoulders like a vice. "P-please."

"Please what, Axel? You want to fuck me with your thick cock or are you gonna keep chickening out?"

"Stop." I said clearly and with authority. I waited until he took his hand off and I lowered him back to the bed. He had a little smile growing on his lips when I did this, and we seemed to share the same thought right then.

"Yea, sorry. I have trouble with the thought of you leaving my bed." He laughed heartily at that, the sound coming out as a snarky little giggle more than an all out laugh. I'd get him to all-out burst a gut one of these days.

"So does that mean a yes?" He said.

"It's conditional."

"Oh really."

"Yes. If you let me help you with 'dad situation' - as in we talk about it seriously and we get you help, we can date and do all that stuff."

He squirmed, actually squirmed, and licked his lips. "Sex too?"

I dropped my head and sighed heavily. This kid was going to make me go to jail for him and I wouldn't even regret it. "If I'm satisfied with you working your end of the deal, then I really don't think I'll be able to control it."

"I'm that pretty to you, eh?"

I looked up at him, and he had this seductive look on his face - he knew what he was to me. I could look at his zits and his peach-fuzz and his little gross parts and haggle over them, but I couldn't even come to a point of being relatively disgusted with him for those things. He, to me, was just ...

"You're what I want. Everything." I shrugged as I said it, not really able to express it as anything less.

"I have one condition, because believe it or not I want my dad out of my life and away from me as soon as possible too."

"I'm not saying that, but what?"

He brought his hand back down and cupped my balls this time, and they actually quivered in his grasp like they'd been waiting for just his touch. I dropped my head again and felt his mouth against my hair.

"I want you. It doesn't have to be inside, but I want to see you come."

I rose up before him, fortifying myself and glaring down at my most valuable single possession. He would be the end of me, and I just didn't care.

"If you suck me off, I suck you off."

"That's such a tough price to pay, my goodness."

"I don't know, you might just be that much of a bottom that you can't climax without having something rammed up ...ngh." I barely got through the sentence before he was giving me long, full-handed strokes, cupping my balls with his other hand. I shivered and tilted my head up, just absorbing the feeling. I vaguely realized my face was in full view of his.

"That's right, and this bottom's gonna make you come so hard your libido will do a double-take. I'm going to make you crave me, you big bad red tree-giant."

I chuckled breathlessly and opened my eyes, staring down and going to kiss him. I drew down a hand and started him off, us both rather quickly making our way to climax. I wouldn't let it go soullessly - I bit and licked and ground against him, determined that he'd go before me. I went over to his ear for the ace.

"I want to make you mine. I want to have claw marks down my back. I want to reduce you down to a slave every night, and then I want to take you out and show you what it's like to actually live. We'll get you a job, and every night I'll fuck you into something hard or soft, depending on what I'm feeling like."

I flipped myself around and pulled him over so he had my cock in his face and his in mine. I laid down and got him on top of me so I could use both my hands to pleasure him where I knew he really wanted it. I gently inserted two finger into him and searched around the front wall, gliding up until I heard him groan.

"There, hm?"

"THERE."

I kept going, grabbing his ass and bringing it down so he was in my mouth. I sucked hard and figured about what I'd want if I was sucking myself off, because I really couldn't figure out what he was doing to me. When he took me into his mouth, it wasn't just suction and wetness or temperature, but this intensity that made the whole barrage of emotions so intense. All I could do was massage him and suck him off - I couldn't even fathom what he was doing down there.

I barely even realized he'd come right as I was coming, the only thing I knew was that we were both growling out in pleasure. I let him out of my mouth when I did it, but he just growled around me - the vibration made me shiver right as I was climaxing, and to my embarrassment, I literally had a full-body spasm. I panted and vaguely realized he was making a mess all over my chest. I continued massaging him through it, but it all came too late as he was already done. He collapsed down on me, and I slowly started pulling my fingers out when I felt him grip my foot.

"w-Wait. keep them in. just a minute." So I kept them there, and he let his sweet ass clench and unclench around them. He started making all sorts of horrifyingly tantalizing sounds. He started wiggling his ass around my fingers, and I figured he wanted more, so I kept thrusting in and out.

"AGH, YES!" I moaned out loud. I guess I was doing the right thing. I kept going, and very quickly he got hard again. I was a little confused as to what he wanted - even I wasn't rebounding this fast. He had actually started fucking himself against my hand, and his dick was bobbing along. I let him have his fun, and I stayed silent. He seemed totally content that way, just doing that and gripping my shins.

"Ag-ax-el. ogh, oh god. more." He kept it up for about a minute more until, to my shock, he moaned and came again ... I hadn't even touched him. He flopped down against me again, and I figured to try and move my fingers out. When they finally slipped out, he flipped around and I finally saw his face. He looked so completely happy that I was taken aback. He stroked my cheek and kissed me before going lower and licking up all the cum from my chest.

"Wow ... that was intense."

"Yep."

"So ... you really liked it?"

He laughed and came back up to kiss me. "Whaddoyathink, dick?"

"It really felt that good?"

"With these babies?" He punctuated, holding up my hand. He must have noted that I looked confused. "Long fingers. much good for massaging."

"Ah."

"I could show you."

I gave him an irritated look. I was way too tired for anything right now. I guess he got the idea, he just chuckled and finished licking me up, finally plopping down on top of me, sighing deeply. My arms came around and stroked his back, just ghosting the surface, and he started purring.

"So is that talk gonna happen now?"

"What, about your dad?"

"Yea."

"No. Definitely not. I don't want him mentioned in this room - ever."

Roxas chuckled and tweaked my nipple. "Good answer. Later."

I had something like three hours before I was supposed to leave for work, looking at my clock. I let my head come back down. Roxas adjusted himself further up on my chest, getting comfortable. I figured he was even more tired than I was. I heard him groan loudly when I moved to get up, but all was amended when we moved to where the pillows were and I lifted his head to put one under him. He adjusted and let me do it, and then he just adjusted further up so he was nuzzled into my neck, pillow on my shoulder. We fell asleep that way, and I was late to work of course - by two hours. I didn't regret it, but that doesn't mean I was going to let it happen again.


	3. Chapter 3

I sat outside with Xigbar eating granola bars - there was a treeline at the edge of the main field, and when the sun was on the right side of it you couldn't see anything beyond the first few trees, the foliage being so dense there. I had walked many nights through there to find things I'd lost or left and didn't want stolen; and when people asked me if I was scared going through there, I told them that when you do it enough, you become numb to that creeping fear. More and more, I know that's a lie. Xig had been talking about how he'd insulated the windshield wipers on his dank old truck because condensation would freeze the wipers solid, intermittently complaining about his girlfriend and the fact that nobody listened to him.

I attempted to make up suitable conversation, but I ended up fumbling and fucking myself over. I tried to repair the terrible edges of things I'd said - but once more I never got the chance. I got a text to come up and meet with Marluxia, my boss. He doesn't know shit about manual labor, and he will not assist you in it in any way - but he'd be damned if he couldn't take care of plants. He was the kind of guy who screamed 'well-groomed' but not in that business way. He looked like so many of the plants he fawned over, and if you made that comparison he'd look at you funny and then shrug it off. To be able to push your boss around and not worry about how he'll take it is a wonderful thing.

By the time this text came around, it was the end of Xig's and my shift - the sun crouching down but not necessarily setting just yet. The old church looked mythic in that light, almost floating on the grass. I entered through the basement where there were a series of offices and rooms for priests and such. Marluxia was meeting with the dude who does our books when I came in. They wrapped up their discussion, which had apparently already digressed into casual things. The bookie left and I took my seat - Marluxia had a faint smile stuck on his face like 'persistence of smiles', not for me but lasting from the already distant edge of his previous conversation. He looked up at me with that charming face of his and told me the words I didn't want.

"Nobody wants to donate to the church anymore I guess."

"That's a damn shame."

"Yes, it is. How's everything going?"

"Good - we're still working on the fence but I should be able to finish the staining myself tomorrow."

"Good."

There was a short pause, Marluxia twiddling his fingers and thinking about the bad news. "...After carefully looking at things, we're working on making pay-cuts. I've already taken one, and I'm not sure Xig can live off any less than we're already giving."

"So how much?"

"Maybe a dollar or two... We've made our budget for this year, and we think our partnership with our sister congregation should help give us projects and promotion, so we won't be sitting around." Marluxia got up and started flitting around his files until he found it and began consulting it.

"So you're spending time with the kids?"

I thought for a few moments, mostly afraid that he felt I was slacking off. I guessed I was, but I sure as hell wasn't going to say that.

"Yea, some of them are pretty interesting."

"We've had some complaints..."

"Complaints."

"Yea, the parents of some kids are worried about you walking around talking with their kids - and with your shirt off."

"Oh that's bullshit and you know it - those kids come up to me!"

"I know, but if you'd keep your shirt on I think they'd be much more comfortable."

"Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is to wear a wet rag while you're trimming?"

"I can imagine, but it doesn't change things."

I tried valiantly to not slouch into my seat. "You know it's just my tattoos, they think I'm some sort of punk rapist or some shit."

"I had to buy more collared shirts because those god-awful elders told me my loose-fitting shirts were unacceptable. If I wanted to show off my body, I'd do it in good company at least. These people do become very critical of the inconsequential, but you have to help me out."

"I got it ... If they worked a day out there, getting grass and dirt under their wet shirt feeling like complete crap, they'd shut up about it."

"Lord only knows we pay you boys for a reason - you couldn't force anybody in this building to pick up a shovel, myself included."

" 'Course not, ruin your dainty hands."

"And I just did up my nails all pretty!"

I was cackling at that. He did have a great sense of humor about himself. Marly took out another cigarette and laid it on the table, a wordless tick that let me know he didn't expect this meeting to last a whole bunch longer.

"I haven't happened upon Xigbar these past days, is he well?"

"Yep, chipper as ever." Marluxia chuckled knowingly at that. "Yes, I can imagine. Please keep a good heart open for him."

"Always, I get him. I just gotta be patient."

I paused, looking to Marly and finding a little pocket to bring up a new subject.

"Have you ever had to deal with abused kids?"

"Oh, lots. I was a pastor at a camp for a year and a half. Takes a lot of patience. But when you get through something like that, you're tough as nails."

"Have you ever had one who was blunt about it?"

Marly looked to me and smiled tightly, understanding to my situation. The guy could sympathize with the devil.

"A great many of them don't know that they are being abused, so you'll see how so many bluntly address their issues. Someone you know?"

"Yea ... He seems like he does understand though, like the abuse I mean."

"Then he's a step forward. Most likely, he uses that knowledge as a tool to put himself down - or to say he isn't worth the effort others put into him. There's one kid I remember who stopped eating midway through his time at the camp. I found out later that he tried to take his own life, and all because one of his cabin mates wouldn't shut up about how his dad was planning on taking him to Nocturne for his stellar grades. The poor child was never really given the opportunity to enjoy being young, I don't think."

"Geez, that kid must have been rich or something."

"I would suppose ... I'd recommend you have this child come and talk with Zexion or Demyx ... although Dem would probably scare the boy."

I watched as smoke crowded the ceiling, some freely dancing about the air above Marly. It took it's time, not moving with intent but simply pushed and complacent to go willingly in time.

"Not much to scare him..." I said jokingly.

"Yea? that's good."

That meant the conversation was over, so I made an opportune exit.

Later, I walked around the park to delay going home at the end of my shift. I'd already clocked out, so I figured there was no delaying the inevitable. I drove home and entered to the sight of Roxas, curled up on the couch asleep under a heavy blanket. He looked absolutely adorable like that, his perfect wild hair flailing out across the pillow and his thick lower lip parted and seeming to jut out slightly. He was so beautiful, and when he woke up - he would say ridiculous things and speak of love like always. I couldn't believe that I'd found someone so devoted, but this didn't come at a price. This young kid needed to know exactly what mature relationships were, and since this was Roxas' first, there was a slim chance they'd stay together. Too bad, I thought. Certain realities had to be faced, and it was easier to say them now then not expect them later.

"Why don't you eat?"

I jumped clear out of my skin in the kitchen, adrenaline spiking through me and making it hard to control my anger. To get pulled out of deep thought like that so quickly could seriously kill a man.

"Rox ... don't. do that."

"Sorry."

"What? What did you ask?"

"Eat, why don't you eat?"

"I do?"

"No goddamnit, I mean you don't eat like me."

"I don't eat like a horse?"

"You don't eat normal amounts. You're really thin, and you never seem to say anything about being hungry."

"That's just it - I've never had much of an appetite, you know?"

"That even sounds fucking stupid."

"Well it's true."

"Everybody's got an appetite, Ax."

Needless to say, the new pet name piqued my interest. I walked over to where Roxas was hanging over the couch and tossed myself over, him adjusting so my head was on his lap. I had my face stuffed in his junk, but he didn't seem to make much of it.

"Maybe I'm just unusual. Rox."

"Ye who has sleeping bags for sheets and a mop bucket in his bathroom. You are so strange it's a physical pain in my neck."

"Naw, it hurts does it?"

"Yes."

"Wan me to kiss it better." At this, Roxas visibly shivered. oh, now this is fun. I sat up and moved to straddle him, latching my mouth onto his neck and nibbling on the hard muscles there while caressing his sides. He buried his head in my shoulder and shuddered a little as my hands came under him, gripping firmly. I heard him chuckle.

"You really could use some food - imagine how built you'd be if you ate a few steaks."

"Oh yea?"

"I think it'd look really, really good."

I knew what he was doing, clever boy. I chuckled darkly and continued kneading his ass. When I pulled my hands away to hug him tightly, I felt him pull on my arms. "No, keep doin that."

I slowly brought my hands back down, testing his patience and making him shove my hands onto his bum. He had pulled back to level me with an irritated stare, and I just pecked him on the nose. Go ahead, little fucker. Get angry. I left my hands there, not doing anything. He'd figure out what I wanted, so I'd just continue staring in the meantime. He caught on and 'tsk'ed when he hung his head.

"Squeeze, damnit."

I leaned closer. "What? What'd you ask?"

"Fuck you, dude."

"What do you want?"

He looked up, and his eyes had this glazed nature to them. He was far off, but that didn't stop him from grinding into me. "Love me."

"Yea?"

"I need it."

"You crave me? You crave this." I punctuated by rubbing my length against his leg. I knew how long I was, and I was proud of it. I sure as hell wasn't going to let the opportunity go to waste.

"Yes. please." He was panting now, and I soon realized that I was too. We were so ready to fuck each others' brains out, and we both knew it. I was just leaning up to suck his collar bone when my cell rang. I chuckled and dipped my head. "Can you get that?"

Rox leaned over and snatched up my phone, but not before giving me ample angle to see his jeans slide down off his waist exposing tightened skin on his love handles sinking nicely into his boxers. I took the opportunity to slide a hand in and, daring myself, I wedged my hand through his boxers to cup his ass bare. When he came back with the phone, he looked down at me and ground into me one last time, tightening his cheeks up and licking his lips. I nabbed my phone and answered.

"Yea?"

"Axel Roedy?" Roxas was sliding down off my lap and undoing my pants.

"Yea?"

"The color is Ivory Chess, and he'll arrive next Saturday." That clusterfuck along with Roxas grabbing my bare junk looking directly at me sent an awkward feeling bouncing all through me. He licked and I swallowed thickly.

"Wha?"

"The color is Ivory Chess - goodnight." the line cut just as Roxas started caressing my balls. I felt a swell of pride when he tried to take all of me in again and choked. I had to laugh, I mean there are worse problems to have in life, aren't there? I sat there for a minute, entirely too delighted by the view when I realized I was missing out.

"Get the fuck up here." After hearing me, Roxas did nothing - just kept going. I doubled over and grabbed at him awkwardly so he was up on the couch with me. He probably felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing, but I had the experience not to care about fumbling and fucking up during intimacy. I realized I should make him aware. After I finally got his skinny jeans around his shins, I rubbed his thigh and whispered to him. "Don't worry - if we're going to get to home plate you're going to be so much more embarrassed by the end."

"That's comfortin-N...gah" He didn't get to finish - I inserted two fingers and bluffed my way to his prostate, a luckily rewarding feat. "aw shit."

I started sucking him hard, mimicking what he'd done before. The harder I sucked, the more his legs seemed to shake. I tried to do combinations, like brushing his prostate and sucking hard on his tip or letting go of his cock completely and letting the cold of my saliva freeze his skin before taking his whole length on at once and warming him up; a move he seemed to like if his noises were any indication. I started to quicken my thrusts, and his noises got to be so loud that I could barely think anymore. I got uncoordinated - we were incoherent in each other's hands. It was awful and amazing, and all I wanted to do in that one moment was fuck him. I gazed up at him and watched him pant over me, his thin chest glistening and moving - muscles stretching and pulsing together like a perfect wall over his chest, as he bent himself over me and supported himself on the top of the couch. The feeling gurgled up from within me until finally I vocalized it.

"OH FUCK THIS." I tossed him off me and ran to the bathroom, grabbing a bottle and squeezing out a ton of lotion - rubbing it on before walking back out to where Roxas was laying with his legs wide open. When he saw my cock doused in liquid, he immediately adopted such a heated look as I had ever seen. I smiled maniacally.

"That's right, bitch - turn over." He got on his knees, his face against the armrest and his ass high in the air spreading himself wide open with his hands. We were both panting so hard; the heat passing between us just as a fog that clogging our minds. I decided he was already prepped and simply aligned with his perky hole, slowly steeling my cock and forcing myself in, inch by inch by inch. When I was only half way, Rox was groaning loudly.

"Oh god, Ax. Oh my god. You... so big."

"Ha, I'm only half way." I heard him swallow and felt him shiver as goose bumps formed in a wave all over his back. I ran my hand up it, slowly coming to his shoulder and then off onto the armrest where I used support. Propping one leg on the coffee table to get a better angle, I was almost in. I slapped his ass and told him to wiggle for me for good measure. As my last couple inches sunk in, he was wheezing like a little girl.

"You alright?"

"_Yes_. S-slow."

"Copy that." I let myself out, mainly going along with the peristalsis and letting his body get used to the feeling. When I felt myself draw pretty far out, I tried pushing back in. I felt extreme resistance and I looked over at his face. I ran a hand over his chest and kissed his shoulder. "Relax," I whispered, "relax." He continued panting, but he consciously leveled out his breath and pushed himself off the couch so we were flush against each other. His arms were shivering, so I took one of mine and wrapped it around him to support him. I felt really happy at that moment about how well built I was, knowing not many people could pull this position off. And that's when I really got excited for what came next.

I kept my slow pace, caressing him with my support hand and listening to him pant against me. His chest heaved in and out, struggling to keep sane under the heated pressure. I felt something the same, using every ounce of energy to restrain myself from pounding into him. I thought about the beat of a drum, slowly speeding up the tempo. I heard that in my mind as the lotion began to work and I felt the passageway slick around me. When I was satisfied, I adjusted us so he was pressed against the couch, me leaning over him. "Tell me if this hurts." I started up and began slapping against him, his moans turning into screams and heaves and incoherent pleas. It was exactly like I wanted. I couldn't believe it, how amazing I felt in those few moments.

There was only one thing that could make it better, but in this position it was difficult. I noticed through my bleary vision that Rox was looking at me. He pushed himself up and reached behind him, beckoning me close.

In that moment, I stood shock. I couldn't shake this feeling like we were sharing a mind. Instead of leaning down to meet him, I jump flipped him over and arched him so I was at the right angle. I had to be quick, so I put myself back in and pushed him down onto my hilt. I grabbed his hips to command the thrusts and leaned down to passionately kiss him. I couldn't handle how much I wanted him - and far too quickly I felt like I was getting close.

I drew out once, very long and then indulged myself by smacking straight back in, earning a growl from him and getting him to cum. All I knew at first was that he was gripping me really hard and convulsing, but when I pulled back to check what was wrong, he looked spent. I saw the result on his stomach, and it turned me on more.

I drew out again and smacked in, earning a deeper, throaty growl from him. I kept going just a few moments more - already at the brink. I did the exact same thing he did, quaking as I came inside. I grabbed his ass and squeezed as I came down from it, my head dipped to the arm cushion. When it was all done. I let his body do the work and comfortably eased out of him, finally getting to roll over onto my side. Roxas' face and hands were already there, kissing and caressing and smiling in a way I'd only seen when he was younger. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. Before it got uncomfortable, I flipped us over so he was on top of me. We kissed for a little while after that.

"You didn't wear a condom." He giggled.

"God, I know. I guess just once is OK, but you know I wasn't anticipating it."

"I thought you'd have a stockpile or some shit."

"Yea ... In my car I think."

I felt his hands run down my sides. "Your body is perfect, you know that?"

"Yes, I know that."

"Shut the fuck up..." I chuckled in response and he continued. "I wish I had pecks like yours - mines stick out and I'm all boney."

I ran a hand don his spine in turn and let myself smile. "You're disgusting, I mean just awful. I can't believe I just fucked you into the couch, dude. It's like your putrid body actually made me so hard that it was a little painful to cum."

"Seriously?"

"No you fucktart I think you're the hottest thing ever."

"No ... no I mean it felt painful?"

"Oh, well no not really ... just a little." Rox settled back down on my chest and continued stroking my sides. Suddenly he jerked up again.

"I'm gonna get a job so I can buy you steaks and you can get all beefy."

"Haha, doubt it. High metabolism."

"Oh yea? I don't give a shit."

"Well I do ... and ...you should stop moving because ..." I didn't really need to finish, because my half-hard dick was already stiff enough that it pressed in-between his cheeks again. He realized what I was saying and ground back, causing me to hiss.

"What's wrong, old man. Can't handle seconds?"

"I can ... but, I really would feel guilty."

Rox surprised me, grabbing me and pushing me down into him until I was at the hilt. "Aw-w-w ssshit." I whispered. He started riding and I kept my eyes closed, gripping the leather behind me as he ground and wiggled and bounced me to the point where I didn't quite feel like this was a second round at all. I felt something hitting my stomach as he bounced and opened my eyes to check - apparently his body was more than happy to go for seconds as well. I decided to make things different, so I began stroking him. he gasped and looked down at what I was doing before doubling over to grab a kiss. We stayed like that for a moment until the slowed down pace became too difficult. We parted and he amped things up, smacking down onto me and growling with every hit, gasping and grinding - god bless this boy.

Before I knew it, I was somehow cumming harder than before inside of him. I was letting his cock bounce and what do you know, he jizzed on me without any hands on him at all. I got this grin on my face, feeling very proud of myself. He looked so beautiful, bent back and chest heaving like that. Yea, his nipples poked out and his tummy was a little chubby, but as I ran a hand up his chest and he brought a hand up to meet it, it was impossible to find a reason to think any of that was unattractive. As a matter of fact, I liked the way his nipples poked out. I licked them just to feel - they were soft and weightless, like jello under my tongue. I felt my hands down his ribs, reveling in appreciation of him. How could I be disgusted - it was all a reminder that he's here, and healthy.

I looked up to meet his gaze. "You know you're mine, right."

"Yeah."

"and ..." I paused, lacing both our hands together, "I am yours. You could leave me, but it'll be difficult for me to ever stop from loving you."

"Yea, because we're having so many problems already. I don't know how we'll bear it." I saw the obvious smirk on his face and returned it, kissing him gently. We laid back together and just stayed there for a minute, vaguely hearing the music playing in the background on the TV.

"Well now that the sex part is out of the way, let's take a shower and spoon naked."

Rox looked at me like I was really screwed up in the head, and giggled a little. I didn't give him time to respond. "What's ironic - I was going to get something to eat before this all started." He rolled his eyes and got up, pulling me along so we could go to the shower.

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><p>Ironically, I got a paycut the week after I wrote the first part of this. God bless.<p> 


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